Although I am feeling a complete turn around and will be ready this morning to head back to school, I keep tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep this morning. I admit, sometimes when it takes me longer than a couple minutes to fall asleep I get rather frustrated and automatically think I'm not going to fall asleep, I get restless and impatient, and get out of bed. So maybe that's the case this morning, or maybe it's not? Possibly my 6 hours of sleep tonight was sufficient for today considering I took a nap yesterday. I guess the way I feel today will determine :)
So I have been debating posting this next section on my blog. I just checked NieNie's updated blog and realized at the very end of her post she has made a link to Elder Scott's talk from this General Conference (one of my favorites by the way). After recently realizing just how many people from around the world are looking at her blog especially since her air on the Oprah Show, and how she continues to share her testimony in a simple way, I can and should do the same. I can't remember who's talk it was, possibly Elder Bednar's, who encouraged us to share our testimonies with our families and friends. I know for a fact that I do not take very many opportunities to do so, so this morning I'd like to share a part of mine.
Earlier this week I was studying the power or prayer. I read specifically about the Nephites turning to prayer for strength in Alma 58:10. It says they poured out their souls that God would strengthen them. Then if you go on to verses 11-12 we see the results of that mighty prayer and how the Lord did truly 'speak peace to their souls and did grant unto them faith and hope.' After reading these few versus it really got me thinking about my own life and the way prayer has had an effect on me. I have always tried to be in constant communication with my Heavenly Father and have always known that He is listening to me, but until recently I didn't know just how powerful His love for each one of us truly is and the extent to which He is answering our prayers on a daily basis.
As many of you know, a couple months ago I was struggling to know if I should come back up to BYU for school. It was a couple weeks before I was to fly up and I had no desire to come. I was scared and didn't feel like I fit in at such a large and competitive atmosphere. I had my comfort zone in Arizona with friends that I felt like I could be myself around. I didn't want to leave that, only to go to a place where I felt intimidation surrounding me constantly. I truly needed guidance to know if I was having those feelings for a reason (which at the time I thought meant I should transfer to AZ).
I prayed. I prayed hard. I remember wanting to have my answer right away, but that was not how my answer should come. I can remember sitting on my bed reading about how to feel the guidance of the spirit because at the time I thought I just didn't know how because I wasn't receiving my answer. My dad came into my room and I began to cry and express my concern in not receiving an answer. He gave me heartfelt counsel that a good dad should give to a daughter. He then counseled me to look into my other options if I were to stay in Arizona, like checking if my credits would transfer, how long it would take to graduate, what major would I choose, and so on. It's interesting though, because looking back on this, I can remember sitting there thinking to myself, "Oh, I don't really want to transfer, I just don't want to go back to Provo." Little did I know, I had received my answer many days before this, I just hadn't realized it yet, and my Heavenly Father knew that. After all, fear is not of the spirit. Dad then gave me a blessing and for that I am still grateful for. He is an inspired man who honors his priesthood. He wants what is best for each one of his children, and I knew that very day that all he wanted to do was to tell me to just come back to provo, but he knew that I needed to receive revelation for myself and come to know what was best for me, even though he may have already known.
A few more days went by and for some reason I was getting excited to come back to Provo. It seemed like all my nerves had diminished. It was then that I knew my Heavenly Father was listening. He knew I was concerned and scared. He knew I needed to come back to Provo. He knew I needed a change of heart because I wanted to do what He had in store for me.
I didn't have a roomate, I didn't like my ward and none of that seemed to matter to me anymore. I wanted to come up because deep down I just felt like everything was going to work out. I felt like for one of the first times in my life, I had the ability to exercise faith not knowing the outcome. I just knew everything was going to work out.
It's interesting because this has been one of the best semesters of college so far for me and I know it's in answer to prayer. The Lord is guiding each one of our lives and we cannot let the fear of Satan step in and get in our way. God loves each and every one of us and is constantly listening to our prayers and wants us to be happy. I know if I would have stayed in Arizona I would have been happy, but I don't know that I would have been this happy.
I'm grateful for the gift of prayer and the blessing of strength that does come from it. I know it's real. I know that when we take a step forward in the direction our Heavenly Father is trying to guide us, we will never be left on our own.
